That's when you crack a 10am beer
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
