she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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