It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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