Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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