genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
