too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
