after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
