Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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