i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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