Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Holy shit dude........stairs
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
