when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
