did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
