I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sober January is a disaster.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
