we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
