you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
