I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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