No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
