The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
