Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
