he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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