Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
