I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
