he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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