Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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