the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
