So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
