So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
