no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
