I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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