we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
