A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
