Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
