I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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