The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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