I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize