We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
