just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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