I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
