i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
