Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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