Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
