Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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