saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
