If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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