He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
