I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
