I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
