marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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