And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize