So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize