Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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