Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
