his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
