The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
