the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
