just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Someone came in the potted fern
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
