So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
