Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
