I didn't shave. On purpose
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize