im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
