it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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