now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
