how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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