The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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