I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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