found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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