Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
