i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
