You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if only i could text you this smell
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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