Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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