I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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