He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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