I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
