Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my liver is dry heaving
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
