No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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