3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize